Nukezilla » John Kershaw

Ethics Policy

John Kershaw — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:06:24 +0000

To be written

How The Council Operates

John Kershaw — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:05:06 +0000

To be written

Posting Guide V3.0

John Kershaw — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:39:35 +0000

Posting Guide V3.0

Being written.

GameStop: Only Straight, Male, Patronising Gamers Play Twisted Metal

John Kershaw — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:09:08 +0000

GameStop have a special offer on at the moment; if you pre-order Twisted Metal you get a discount on buying flowers, because the game comes out on Valentine’s Day, get it?

The title of the promo email is “Send her flowers so you can game”, and the body of the text reminds you this is “a simple solution to that age-old question: game or girlfriend?”. The implication is pretty clear; shut her up with cheap pretty things as you play your videogame.

This is very, very sexist.

I won’t repeat the sensible thoughts you just had in your head about the woman-hating company. Instead I will head off on a tangent and suggest that if you have a hobby in your life which is so important you would choose it over one who you say you love, and if you are put in a situation where you must choose between them, I think you should stop and re-evaluate your situation.

GameStop, it’s 2012, you don’t need to be misogynistic to attract the “gamer” demographic any more.

(If you don’t have a girlfriend who needs patronising, you can pre-order Twisted Metal on Amazon for the same price as GameStop here)

[Update 1: This article has been updated to mention the game comes out on Valentine's Day.]

Update 2: Tumblr user TopHatt Designs has written GameStop a letter about this. You should read it as it’s quite good.

blogs

John Kershaw — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 15:14:26 +0000

So I Got This Email From PR

John Kershaw — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:58:33 +0000

Every day (usually clustered around 3pm) Nukezilla is sent emails for games we couldn’t give a damn about. These press releases are often filled with boring crap I don’t want to read, and link to images and videos I never want to see. Sometimes, they’re useful.

In this case, I shall use a single press release we got sent yesterday from a company (who I won’t name, but will say that they regularly email us asking if we want a copy of a game for review, then ignore our replies, wasting our time) as examples of most of the things I hate most about gaming, and PR.

Incompetence

In this press release there are paragraphs for the five global areas with pre-order bonuses. Each paragraph is simply copy and pasted with the distributor changed. It’s so lazy. But, that’s not the incompetence. The email was sent, followed by three more emails to make a correction. Where the name of a UK distributor should be, in the press release was simply “xxx”. Why proof read something when it takes other peoples’ time to read?

DLC announcements months before the game ships

The game this press release is for ships in March. In this email, sent in January, the DLC packs are detailed. I know it’s been a few years since the practice of holding back content to try to sell to you for extra money became mainstream, but it still irks me. These companies kinda hate you.

Shit pre-order bonuses with misleading names

The content of the pre-order bonus is copy and pasted several times for each region and is generic extra weapons and character skins. But for one region the pre-order bonus is named as the “Limited Edition” version of the game. It’s not a limited edition, and as far as I can tell from the information given, is the same exact pre-order bonus as everywhere else.

Nationalism

This one is probably more to do with my personal politics than anything else. The pre-order stuff for every country is fairly generic, except for the USA. In the USA, if you pre-order the game you get a special “God Bless America” DLC pack too. The DLC pack includes such great things as…. an American themed shirt for one of the characters to wear. Americans, I think this game is taking the piss out of you.

Sexism

Here’s the best one. As well as titling the press release in a way which puts “hostesses” on par with the walking dead and guns, the press release boasts that the USA-only DLC is “guaranteed to make you feel manlier”. The other pre-order bonuses are also pushed in a similar way with the fantastically misoganistic tag line “If you like guns, girls, or the two combined – this pack is for you!” This DLC is not for non-straight men. Got it.

No related posts.

Women Paid Less Than Men in The UK Games Industry

John Kershaw — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:43:46 +0000

After gathering and tallying the results from 975 people (597 of whom are based in the UK) MCV have released the results of their annual Games Industry Salary Survey. Whilst the results in general show the drop in industry-wide salary seen in the previous year has not continued this year, it also shows some pretty surprising results when it comes to the gender divide.

Firstly, and least surprisingly, only ten percent of the respondents to the survey identified as female. As MCV point out, this is “in line with the estimated proportion of females working in the trade”. Secondly, those women reported their average salary was around £3,000 a year (or around £1.50 per hour) less than the average man’s salary.

This pay gap is both counter to the results from the international community (though it could be argued there isn’t enough data to be all that accurate here) but more worryingly, worse than it has been in recent years. Three years ago MCV‘s survey reported that women were being paid more than men.

Last year The Guardian collected data from the Office for National Statistics annual survey of hours and earnings and reported that in 2010 the average pay gap between women and men in the UK was around 10%. The UK gaming industry, with all of its innovation, technology, forward thinking visionaries and modern approaches to business, is average at best. As somebody who assumed we were all a pretty cool, liberal bunch, it’s pretty surprising and shameful.

Image: “Weird Bathroom Sign In California Adventure”, Flikr/bitshaker

Wardrox’s Vlog 11th Jan: The Nukezilla Council

John Kershaw — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:00:59 +0000

Nukezilla, as a company, collective, website and verb will soon be run by an elected group of people with good intentions. This group will be the council. There will be positions in the council like Reviews Project Manager, Industry Liaison Project Manager, and even a Community Project Manager (which will be one of you! Update: Flanks has started the thread, which can be found here). Decisions will be made using cunning and fair processes, and it’s all still work in progress.

Nukezilla Waves Goodbye to GoDaddy

John Kershaw — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 15:02:25 +0000

Nukezilla is currently moving all domains and any hosting associated with GoDaddy to a new service provider (Name Cheap). Downtime is not expected.

The Nukestravaganza Archive

John Kershaw — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:18:29 +0000

The Nukestravaganza Archive

December 2010: The December Review NUKESTRAVAGANZA!

February 2011: NUKESTRAVAGANZA II: The Lovepocalypse

April 1st, 2011: Nukestravaganza III: Interpretive-Dance-And-Mime-apoluza

June 7th, 2011: Nukezstravaganza IV: 88 Miles-Per-Rawr!

December 2011: The December Review NUKESTRAVAGANZAGAIN!

No related posts.

5 Nukezilla Reviews I Really Enjoyed in 2011

John Kershaw — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:00:13 +0000

Something I enjoy with Nukezilla is how, when writing, I’m free to do what I want. My Editor’s Choice column turned into something of an experiment which I’ve had a lot of fun with. This approach has, in my opinion, created a space with Nukezilla which can lead to some fun, original and great writing.

Reviews are a foundation – and cliché – of most gaming websites, so thought I would read over Nukezilla‘s 2011 reviews and compose a list of some of my favourites (I have a lot of favourites, these are just some. If I had to order them in preference it would be like asking me to pick my favourite child).

Stacking – Jon Ruggiero

Anyone who knows me knows I have a fondness for using the unique properties of the web to have a bit of fun. Jon’s stacked Stacking review is an obvious review for this list. The way the review unstacks, echoing a mechanic of the game, is very pleasing. But what I enjoy even more than the simple stacking/unstacking is how the writing also repeats the idea, with each layer being one paragraph shorter.

Portal 2 – Justin Massongill

I’ve chosen Justin’s Portal 2 review because it’s a very good example of a simple, but great review. Just words and some pictures, but it’s well written and for a game I adore. The right words in the right order.

Haiku Impressions: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 – John Kershaw

It’s sort of a review. This is my list, I can do what I want! The game never turned up and I ended up having to get a refund and order the game from a different retailer. This post allowed me to cheekily let out some of my frustration.

Duke Nukem Forever – Brett Parsons

A seriously shitty game given a review in Shakespeare quotes; come on now, of course it’s on my list! The rules of the Nukestravaganzagain (of which this review is part of) says this review can only be nine sentences long. Brett’s genius (if I can use that word without undue ego boosting) just made the review delicious.

L.A. Noire – Jenny Rouse

Much like Justin’s review mentioned above, this is a simple review; just words. But Jenny managed to write those words so damn well, adding a surprising and brilliant twist whilst keeping the point of the review in there. Reading the opening sentence of the review (“Christmas used to mean something in this town. Maybe it still does, but not to me; I’ve seen too much.”) on Christmas day put the biggest grin on my face; I knew immediately I was about to read some fantastic writing.

Haiku Impressions: Global Game Jam: 48 Hours of Persistence, Programming and Pizza at Scottish Game Jam

John Kershaw — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:35:45 +0000

Almost Vonnegut
Personable, well written
Game Jam? You need this.

Trion Worlds (RIFT) Hacked, Credit Card Info Taken

John Kershaw — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:45:49 +0000

In a statement emailed out to customers, and reproduced on their website, Trion Worlds have admitted to a pretty serious security breach of one of their databases.

We recently discovered that unauthorized intruders gained access to a Trion Worlds account database.
The database in question contained information including user names, encrypted passwords, dates of birth, email addresses, billing addresses, and the first and last four digits and expiration dates of customer credit cards.
There is no evidence, and we have no reason to believe, that full credit card information was accessed or compromised in any way.

There’s no information on the encryption used with the passwords, so I would advise you assume the worse and if you use your Trion Worlds account password anywhere else, change it now.

Hopefully Trion Worlds give out more information of the timing of the hacks, the methods used, and give people an honest and transparent look at what went wrong. But, if they do what most of the other game companies have done, they wont.

No related posts.

Nukezilla Review: Hector: Badge of Carnage Episode 2 – Senseless Acts of Justice (PC)

John Kershaw — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:49:23 +0000

So, I’m in a secret brothel which is also a church (complete with grim nun stripper) finding out who made me blow up a seedy and disgusting porn shop filled with odd, rude and hilarious characters. It appears I’m playing the second episode of Hector: Badge of Carnage, a point and click game from Telltale.

When I played the first episode I’d not touched a point and click game in far too long; a shameful amount to time I now realise. This time – now I had the knowledge of what to look for, where the clues may lie and a much better understanding of how the puzzles all slot together – I could concentrate on the more enjoyable task of laughing between moments of disgust.

I also came into this episode with the adult humour of the first game still ringing in my ears. It’s not subtle, for the most part, but is rude enough to keep you at the far edge of surprise and amusement.

The puzzles start out small and slowly get larger, and whilst there’s not many they all involve talking to several people, collecting and combining items, and occasionally switching between characters (something we didn’t see in the last game). I did get stuck once but the useful hints system managed to get me back on track, after taking its sweet time to mock my stupidity. It turns out I wasn’t clicking properly on the thing I wanted to click on: something that seemed to happen a few too many times for my liking.

In a point and click game, I would expect the pointing and clicking to feel more solid; it’s click once for looking, twice for picking up or otherwise engaging, but the way everything is set up sometimes it feels unclear which you’re doing.

You’re also not able to do things until the character you’re playing has the knowledge to do it; so I found myself not trying something because I’d already tried and failed to do it. But these are minor gripes, and may well be the fault of my ham-fisted play style.

The real beauty of the game comes with its ridiculousness and the things it makes you decide to do. As I’d recommend everyone reading this review goes and buys the season pass for the series (for a very reasonable $20) I’m not going to tell you anything about any important plot points, but I will tell you that at some point you might need to use a second hand and dirty merkin.

Depending on how stuck you get, the game will take you a fair few hours to get through, and if you choose to explore every branch of the often large conversation trees, you’ll be there a fair bit longer. Towards the tail end of the game I was getting kind of excited to see how it would conclude, and ploughed through the puzzles like a warm knife through butter made of challenges. Rewarding, funny, sometimes complex but never discouraging, I’m having real fun with this series.

The game tells a dirty joke, I grin like a teenager and it grins back; we are both pleased with our despicable selves.

Disclosure: We were provided with a free copy of the game by Telltale Games.

This review is Day 18 of The December Review Nukestravaganzagain.

NZCast 4.16: Sex Robots

John Kershaw — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:51:19 +0000

In the final show of the season John and I are joined by Jon Brady (Sometimes Yamster). Now armed with 50% more people and 100% more actual gaming knowledge, some of the things we discuss include but are not limited to:

Sex bots.
The VGAs.
Teabagging.
Battledrome final results.
Christmas shopping LIVE!
Gavduation.
John would eat a person.

We’ll be gone for a while until the next season starts next year, in the mean time why not go buy Jon’s book?

As usual, feel free to leave a scathing iTunes review, comment in the forums or send an email to NZCast@Nukezilla.com about how offensive we are.

MP3, iTunes, RSS

Nukezilla Review: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (Multiplayer) (Xbox 360)

John Kershaw — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 09:00:56 +0000

[Editor's Note: This is our review of the Multiplayer Campaign for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Our review of the single player can be found right here]

A step backwards from Black Ops, MW3‘s multiplayer feels and looks troublingly similar to the previous MW‘s offering. Having come from playing Blops for a year, the sheer volume of bullshit you have to put up with in this game in order to get some fun out of it is surprising; everything, ever, has statistics you couldn’t give a damn about; the maps are built to encourage camping/sneaky-asshole style play; the more you play the better your guns are (in a way which feels even more rubbish than in previous games); and the inevitable lag has been covered up in such a way that death often feels simply unfair.

Occasionally, the genius of the pedigree shines through and you get yourself on a roll. Either due to well-hidden lag advantage, or the pretty poor skill-matching system you will find yourself just steam-rolling over your opponents, though never with complete satisfaction; there will always be people camping.

The new streaks ensure you get fun toys to play with, even if you’re terrible; but sadly this brings with it the fact that your opponents also get fun toys to play with, even if they’re terrible. Guns now level up as well as you, and you need to level them up to get the better attachments; this means you have to “earn” the gun that makes it easier to kill people. You’re not getting better at the game, you’re just pumping hours of your life into a game in order to feel like the playing-field is even. It’s an unfortunate staple of modern shooters that this is the case; without it there would be very little incentive to put yourself through what can easily be the worst-spent time of your day.

The co-op missions are good, and when I become fed up with the regular multiplayer, grabbing a friend and playing some survival mode – ignoring the independent levelling up bullshit you have to do to unlock things – is fun.

I strongly feel this is not a game I want to play; it gets the checkbox of “things needed for the next MW3 game” all ticked off, but the game itself just doesn’t feel as fun to play as Black Ops. Alas, much like crack, I’m not sure I have much choice at this point — until I trade it in for Battlefield 3.

This review is Day 11 of The December Review Nukestravaganzagain.

Something to do Whilst You Have Food Poisoning

John Kershaw — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:37:32 +0000

I got food poisoning yesterday – I know, a great start to the Nukestravaganzagain – and was stuck without much to do. I didn’t have enough strength to do anything requiring any kind of movement that wasn’t puling the covers further over my head, or staggering to the bathroom; and I didn’t have enough cognitive ability to write, or even read, anything.

So what do I have which requires no brain power, brings some form of enjoyment to an otherwise shitty* day, and has enough pauses and breaks in to allow me to eat some dry toast every once in a while?

Modern Warfare 3‘s Spec Ops mode to the rescue!

The movement is all controlled by me, so no sea-sickness; it requires me to simply lurch over to my chair and sit in it; my housemate plays player two, and when I’m not feeling up for it, I can let him go first whilst I just throw flash-bangs and pretend I’m helping; it requires very little brain power.

It’s not a cure, but it sure helped me feel a little better.

Hurray for videogames!

*no pun intended

No related posts.

Nukezilla Review: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (Single Player Campaign) (Xbox 360)

John Kershaw — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:00:32 +0000

[Editor's Note: This is our review of the Single Player Campaign for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. You can read our review of the multiplayer here]

The same shallow, hand-holding, jock-pleasing gameplay is back with more on-rails shooting, patriotism, token “shocking” moments and hand-clappingly fun explosions happening everywhere; it does what it sets out to do and does it well.

This review is Day 1 of The December Review Nukestravaganzagain.

The December Review NUKESTRAVAGANZAGAIN!

John Kershaw — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:15:07 +0000

Remember last year where we reviewed 61 games in one month? That was our first ever Nukestravaganza. It’s been a year; we’ve learned things, been to places, had experiences, and I think it’s high time we do it again. May I present to you Nukestravaganza V: The December Review NUKESTRAVAGANZAGAIN.

The rules are simple:

Every single day in December, Nukezilla will be publishing a new review.
The first review will be one sentence long, every following review will increase in length by one sentence.

So the very first review, going up tomorrow, will be one sentence long. The next day, the review that gets published will be two sentences long, etc. By the end of the month we will have reviewed at least 31 games, given out a potential 155 stars and written nearly 500 sentences.

Currently, there are no reviews written. This is going to be by the seat of our pants, and is going to be awesome. As the month goes on the below list will be updated with the games we’re reviewing.

Place your bets now.

NZCast 4.15: Zombie Apocalypse Revolution

John Kershaw — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:01:35 +0000

Another typical eposide. Late show post. Missing sections. Likely riddled with libel and misinformation. These exciting features can be found in the following avenues of discussion:

We (see: John) slags off some websites; burns bridges.
Modern Warfare 3 and Elite.
Is it morally wrong to eat people?

Leave us an iTunes review, post in the forums or send an email to NZCast@Nukezilla.com.

MP3, iTunes, RSS

NZCast 4.13: Pleasantly Short

Mass Effect Marathon 2 Begins: Throw Money At These People As They Play Games For Three Days Straight

John Kershaw — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:45:14 +0000

A bunch of cool and sexy people are currently playing Mass Effect 1 & 2 for three days solid to raise money for Child’s Play. The stream can be found right here. G33kWatch have done a few events before and have previously raised over $20,000. This weekend they’re aiming to raise $30,000 during their three-day long marathon.

Good games, good people and good causes. Do something to make the world a better place today and donate some money, it’s not like you have to get out of your chair or anything.

Keith Vaz Tables Early Day Motion to Complain About Call of Duty. Tom Watson to the Rescue.

John Kershaw — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 14:10:16 +0000

Keith Vaz, a prominent Labour MP, is a well known critic of videogames. With the release of MW3 this month, he tabled an Early Day Motion (something which is read out in parliament if enough MPs support it) which reads as follows:

That this House is deeply concerned about the recently released video game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, in which players engage in gratuitous acts of violence against members of the public; notes in particular the harrowing scenes in which a London Underground train is bombed by terrorists, bearing a remarkable resemblance to the tragic events of 7 July 2005; further notes that there is increasing evidence of a link between perpetrators of violent crime and violent video games users; and calls on the British Board of Film Classification to take further precautions when allowing a game to be sold.

Having just this morning played through the “harrowing scenes in which a London Underground train is bombed by terrorists, bearing a remarkable resemblance to the tragic events of 7 July 2005″ I have to conclude that Keith Vaz has not. There is, quite obviously, no “remarkable resemblance” between the two.

Thankfully all-round good guy and fellow Labour MP Tom Watson has suggested an amendment to the EDM:

leave out from `House’ to end and add `notes that the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) gave the video game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 an 18 classification, noting that `the game neither draws upon nor resembles real terrorist attacks on the underground’; further believes that the game has an excellent user interface and challenges the gamers’ dexterity as well as collaborative skills in an outline setting; and encourages the BBFC to uphold the opinion of the public that whilst the content of video games may be unsettling or upsetting to some, adults should be free to choose their own entertainment in the absence of legal issues or material which raises a risk or harm.’.

Thanks Mr Watson!

The Weekly Nuke: Unexpected Gifts – Wrap Up

John Kershaw — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:00:32 +0000

This past week saw my birthday happen. I was going to get a phone, but I already have one of those so instead I got some nice new roller derby wheels. You could say they were an unexpected gift … if you used the word “unexpected wrongly” … which brings us on to this week’s Weekly Nuke topic.

Faye started us off with a short tale of lies, violence and surprise death:

Someone ran up to me and forced a steel mace of diminishing onto me just south of whiterun yesterday, just in time for an arrow to cone out and kill him. When questioned I didn’t know what mace he was talking about.

As somebody who has been on the receiving end of Faye’s gift-giving, I feel almost disappointed in the nice message I had in my card after reading her habit of leaving “snotty, offensive messages on the gift-tags of my impromptu presents”.

Ace Flibble got a rather bad-ass gift from Square Enix Europe; Yoshinori Kitase‘s autograph.

He also told us about how he got gifts due to in-game fame:

I’ve been given a lot of gifts within games, predominantly in Guild Wars. Three or four years ago I was playing the game a lot, particularly one kind of player-verses-player mode. I was good enough that people began to recognise my name, which is quite something in an MMO with millions of players. There were a couple of instances where other players gave me things – rare loot, powerful weapons, large amounts of in-game money – just so they could say that I was using the stuff they’d given me. It was quite bizarre and a little creepy.

Even so, gcndavidmn has to have gotten the best gift; He went to a lecture the other day sponsored by the Institute of Physics and got free pizza. Lucky boy!

You Can Shove Your Spoilers Until I’ve Finished

John Kershaw — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 13:51:01 +0000

There seems to be only one period of time where I find myself caring about spoilers; after paying for the game and before completing it.

Three weeks ago I ordered a copy of Modern Warfare 3* from Tesco and, due to them being a piss-poor example of a company, the game hasn’t arrived yet. I’m going to have to go through the bullshit of getting a refund, then going to the shop and picking up a copy. This means the earliest I’ll be playing the game I ordered on Day 1 is mid next week.

People are already writing a lot about the game. People are finishing it, people are stuck and asking for questions, people are posting images with jokes based on events, and the game has been out a month. It’s not even a game with a good story worth spoiling, but for some reason I’m now hyper-aware of any and all spoilers.

If I’ve spent £40 on this piece-of-shit game by piece-of-shit Activision, then I’m going to get as much enjoyment out of every piece-of-shit scripted sequence in the piece-of-shit-short single player as I can. And that relies on me not knowing what to expect.

Before the game was released I got annoyed with sites like Kotaku posting what I would regard as spoilers in their titles. I load up Twitter and – pop – oh look there’s more information that I didn’t want to know about some specifics of the game. Gee, it would have been nice not to have known that.

And that was before the game came out. Now, the game’s been out for a month and all the “proper” gamers have finished it. I, as somebody foolish enough to only buy the game on the day it came out, haven’t even touched the shrink wrap.

I’m behind the times, and I’m behind the wave of accidental-spoilers washing around the internet. It’s annoying.

Before I paid for the game I didn’t give a damn about the cheap and lazy story plots. Once I’ve finished the game I won’t give a damn about people talking about what was a lack-luster and frustrating few hours. But between now and then, if you even tell me there’s guns in this game I’ll give you a dirty stare so harsh you’ll catch fire.

Spoiler warning.

*The reasoning why I bought this game is another article, but put simply it’s a dumb game for dumb people. I’m good at it and that makes me feel good. Stop judging me, hipsters!

No related posts.

Haiku Impressions: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

John Kershaw — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 02:00:52 +0000

The game’s not here yet,
Tesco suck at posting things.
It’s probably crap.