Zynga Announces Layoffs, Games Press Congratulates Themselves on Noticing

Today Apple rocked the world with the announcement of just their second overpriced touchscreen device in the last eight months.

In spite of this world shaking event that means fuck all to the videogame industry in the grand scheme of things will surely change the way every game ever is made from now on, members of the games press somehow managed to find a few second to check twitter in between bouts of staring slack jawed at an hour long advert for Apple shit their serious journalistic duties, noticing that something big was happening at social game developer Zynga.

At around the same time this afternoon, whether by design or coincidence, Zynga announced hundreds of layoffs and the closure of their Boston studio. Zynga, know best for those terrible games your mom and people you knew in high school but haven’t talked to in six years play and constantly send out requests from until you get so fed up with Facebook that you only update your status about every other month, has been struggling as of late.

After debuting at $10 late last year, the company’s stock is currently hovering just a bit above $2. For those of you who weren’t very good at math in high school, it means the stock value of the company has fallen nearly 80 percent within the last year.

Obviously the layoffs were completely unexpected and outrageous, but not nearly as bad as announcing them on their lord and savior Apple’s high holy day during another event to (potentially) slip through the cracks in the press cycle.

Luckily, these brave journalists were able to read at a fifth grade level, as videogame industry twitter feeds were full of the news conduct hard hitting investigations necessary to unearth this story.

“How dare they attempt such a brazen stunt,” one Polygon editor was overheard saying. “They knew we were solely focused on this stupid gadget announcement we’re mining for hit… I mean, vastly important industry event, and tried to exploit that.”

Luckily, many members of the games press proved they have the astounding ability to process two things in the same day.

Godspeed, you defenders of the downtrodden.

The celebratory box social and circle jerk will be held in Golden Gate Park at 7:00 p.m. PST.

Condolences will be offered to the laid off workers and their families, time permitting.