Nukezilla Review: Madame Zhen’s Tent of Mystery (XBLIG)

Have you ever asked someone what their star sign is and based all of your interactions with them on that fact? Do you use faith healers more than actual doctors? Is a Magic 8-Ball unironically sitting next to you right now? Then I may have the perfect XBLIG title for you!

Enter Madam Zhan’s Tent of Mystery, where you can get your hands on the same dodgy “fortune-telling” materials actual mystics use to scam money out of flea market shoppers! Marvel at the mystical and boring-looking Tarot cards! Plug your ears as you listen to four vaguely mystical, completely annoying song choices! Use a device that, for legal reasons, can’t be called a Magic 8-Ball, even though that’s what it is!

The Mystery Tent, for 80 MS points, is just a collection of applications that are supposed to divine the great mysteries of the universe for you. It does this with five different tools. Mystic Portal is a glass ball that you ask a question to, then it vaguely answers yes, no, or bugger off depending on the portal’s programming. The Love Tester asks you to input two peoples’ names (supposedly you and your significant other’s name), then tells you how good said relationship is. The Personality Tester gives you a read-out about your personality based on your birthday.

Then there’s Tarot card reading. This mode has four different variations, plus a screen explaining what these “mystical” cards mean, and what it means when these randomly mixed cards are placed in front of you. Readings come in the flavor of Single Card, The 3 Fates, Tri-Forge, Southern Cross, and Pyramid, along with the “Tarotorial” explaining the cards and formations.

The other main menu selection is Recommended Games, which shows off some other cool Indie Games you might like. It’s a nice filter through the usual indie game dreck (like this) if you’re looking to add some neat little games to your hard drive. Some of the games recommended are ones we’ve covered before (like Hypership and Square Off), titles that deserve your attention.

Really, I could spend all day ragging on this particular “game”. It’s just a collection of fake soothsaying apps bundled together. But who am I to judge? If horoscopes and Ouija boards are your thing, then you will probably enjoy this. The menus are intuitive, the explanations for the Tarot cards are thorough, and there’s enough here to sate your need for daily fortune-telling like you’d see in any copy of The Sun or The Globe. If you’re like me and find this all to be hokum, it’s best to use those 80 MS points somewhere else.

Disclaimer: We were provided a review copy of the game from developers QuimbyRBG.