Nukezilla Review: Angry Birds (Android)

[Angry Birds was reviewed on a Droid Incredible with the build found in the Android Marketplace.]

There’s a reason I picked both Angry Birds and Super Meat Boy to review. Actually, there’s a reason behind all of the games I chose for this month’s Review Nukestravaganza. I picked games out of my love for them, displeasure with their bundled tech, and enjoyment of half of their core mechanic. Angry Birds was chosen because I wanted something simple to play that wasn’t going to aggravate me in any way; too bad it did that as much as any other game I’ve reviewed this month.

Much like SMB, Angry Birds is a simple game; you’re tasked with sling-shotting different colored birds (with differing abilities, like replicating themselves or blowing up) at shoddily constructed towers to destroy them and the pigs inside, who have stolen the birds’ precious eggs. Both games have many different levels, each with board set-ups as imaginative as the last, and a quirky cartoon aesthetic that heightens their experiences. They also share the ability to bring up an immense ire in me.

The physics of this game can be maddening at times, forcing wedges into place that make it impossible to kill the pigs. Those pigs also love to taunt you along the way, smirking and giggling when you miss your mark. All of that had me shouting “YOU GODDAMN PIG NAZIS; I WON’T REST UNTIL THE DAY MY HEART GIVES OUT FROM BEING CLOGGED BY THE FUCKING FAT FROM THE GODDAMN BACON I MAKE YOU WORTHLESS SHITASSES OUT OF. FUCK YOUR HELMETS, FUCK YOUR SHIT-EATING GRINS, AND FUCK YOUR SELF-RIGHTEOUS, TAUNTING, OVER-FUCKING-EMPHATIC LAUGHS, YOU HOLOCAUST DENIERS” more times than I could count.

All that aside, any hype that you’ve heard about this sweetheart of the casual games market is true: it’s fun, it’s cute, and it’ll whittle away your free time faster than you’d ever expect. And be sure to download Angry Birds Seasons, a free expansion with holiday-themed levels.

This is Day 12 of the December Review Nukestravaganza.