“I Don’t Have The Ability to do Anything Normal in Life.” A Final Interview With a Retiring Indie Game Developer

Fortunately, I also found plenty of reviewers who really got what I was going for, and really seemed to “get” Herman. It was definitely nice to hear the compliments, as the game release was not a good time in my life. These people tended to highly dig the background pictures storyline, the music, all the humor in the game…some even liked the artwork. While no one completely loved the game and everyone seemed to have issues with Herman’s movement, aside from this, the game received quite a bit of extremely high praise, and that was rewarding…even if it didn’t translate much to sales.

Another thing that didn’t seem to go over well with the game was the artwork. A lot of people blasted the artwork, when, to this day, I still think it’s pretty darn awesome. I had no idea I was doing something different…some reviewers said it took them an hour to really appreciate the artwork. Some people passionately hated it at first sight, which was a shock. I had someone blasting my artwork, while praising Johnny Platform‘s [Ed - Johnny Platform's Biscuit Romp, another XBLIG]. I checked out JPSC, and it doesn’t really look better to me…so I still kind of just don’t get it. I’m not saying I think the Herman artwork is the greatest thing in the world or anything, but I do think it’s really cool. It’s like a cartoon…it’s cute, fun and pretty darn funny. This seems like another time when the game gets a penalty just for being abnormal.

I don’t have the ability to do anything normal in life, I think I have realized, which is a blessing and a curse, but I don’t mind at all. The only thing I set out to do with Herman was to make a cool game, and I think I achieved that. To answer your question about ideas, I didn’t plan anything in Herman in advance or think about it much…I just knew what had to be done and did it. I did not make the game worrying at all about anyone else…I had a personal story to tell, and I told it. I wanted the game to be fun, and I kept adding and juggling elements until I was happy. That was it.

NG: How have you found yourself reacting to the experience? Do any moments stand out as exceptionally good or bad?

TS: Well, the best parts were in the making. Aside from seeing Herman on screen for the first time, the entire process was littered with small victories. Any time I finally got an enemy to do something right, like shoot a missile in the right direction and have it blow up in the right place and cause damage, etc….that was awesome. The whole process was one long string of fun moments like that. So…mostly, the making process was good…and everything after the release was kind of bad! Ha.

Actually, the worst thing about the release period was the fact that the game wasn’t selling right out of the gate. Heartbreaking…I was honestly devastated, and I really don’t think I’ll ever get over it. The first week on XBLIG, the game had like 70 ratings…but only like 15 paid downloads! What a gyp. So, to this day, Herman has a 2 star rating…and way more ratings than paid downloads.

I’ll tell you, after I spent 1000 hours on this game and poured my heart and soul into it, I think it’s beyond a gyp that so many people have rated my game either based on the crappy two minute trial level, or possibly on nothing more than their dislike of something they read about the game. I bet I had people rating the game a 1 because they thought I was a jerk or something. Man, it still really bugs me. I don’t see why people who don’t own the game get to rate it. For all I know, there’s a flash mob jerk out there who texted all his friends to rate Herman a 1.

I’m not saying someone actually tried to manipulate my rating, but someone could do that if they wanted…so the system doesn’t seem too hot to me. Not for these dinky indie games, where 50 votes matter. I was freaking out, obsessively looking at my rating every hour after the game came out. It was bad times, man. I had no clue the game wasn’t going to be loved, so you could probably call me highly naive, going into the release.

NG: You’ve said you spent 1,000 hours making the game. Where did all the time go, and was it worth it?

TS: Well, unfortunately I’m pretty much a perfectionist, so I spent an insane amount of time dialing everything in. I really didn’t stop on anything until I thought it was perfect, or as close as I could really get.

Getting the save game to work on the 360 was a nightmare…I ended up just copying (with permission) someone’s sample code from the XNA forums. Even still, that took days. Also, there were always bugs coming up that needed ironing…enemies doing weird stuff or disappearing and appearing somewhere else or whatever. Those took weeks, all in all. Everything took forever…it really did take me 1000 hours of work to make Herman.

Was it worth it is the best question. Financially, hell, hell, hell no. Eight months and 1000 hours of literally pouring my heart and soul into something and I got back…like, sweet…$120? What a joke. It would be better if the game was a total sack of donkey dick, but by many accounts, it’s one of the more interesting XBLIG games out there…with humor, quirky artwork, a great story, phenomenal music, and is reasonably fun, too…at least after you upgrade Herman’s shoes!! Sure, it ain’t Modern Warfare 2, or even Plants vs. Zombies…but seriously, $120?? For real? Oy.

How much of this is my fault for pricing it at $5, instead of $3? I’ve made more money from Tangerine Fight at $1, so maybe this is another failure on my part. It is sad to me that if I had done a better trial level and priced it at $3, probably many, many more people would have given the game a chance. It’s a drag…and I can’t do it over. So what can ya do. I’m sure not going to beat myself up over it.

So was the game worth it, otherwise? Yes, without question. I am so proud of what I have done. I am just some normal kid…but this one year of my life I sat in my living room and single-handedly made two cool games, with a classic protagonist, that went up on the Xbox 360 for worldwide download. Who does that? I love Herman. There is so much of me in him. This game is a major feather in my cap of life. I like almost everything about the game, and I really have fun playing it.

I like the fact that the game plays totally differently, based on what upgrades you go for. The janitor scene never fails to make me smile. As does the end. I think the end is beautiful. And the game is a challenge, man. People complain about it on difficulties 1 and 2…I normally only play the game on 4. It is insane and awesome. Right now I’m on the last level on difficulty 5, and it is total mayhem. You wouldn’t even believe it. I’ve probably died 15 times so far…but I’ll do it. So the game is winnable on 5. I’m sad that more people don’t play it on 3 and 4, because I think it makes a world of difference. I think the game is boring on 1 and 2.

NG: You’ve also said you’re going to retire from making games, is this directly because of your time with Xbox Indie Games? What, if anything, went wrong?

TS: It has nothing to do with XBLIG. I said what I wanted to say, and the world isn’t interested. Could I try again? Of course. Do I care to? Hell no. There are three more games I started right at the end that will never see the light of day…including “Herman 2: This Time it’s Bloody.” In this one, Herman is wearing total military garb and was going to go into the alien caves and blast the shit out of them with machine guns and weird explosives. It would have been a riot…at least to me.

I was just reading an article from a game designer who talked about how it’s important not to get too attached to your games. I failed big time, when it comes to Herman. I’m so attached to Herman, insulting him is like kicking me in the balls. Heh…oh, well. Live and learn.

I guess when it comes down to it, I just don’t care to do that work anymore. I gave it everything I had and I’m spent. I’m like Ethan Hawke in Gattaca…I swam all the way out and have nothing left for the trip back. Would things be different if Herman were sitting on the XBLIG Top Downloads list? Hard to say. I think it was the game’s failure to catch on that really turned me off though…until that week, I was still rocking. No real regrets, though…it was a sweet ride, and I’m tickled at what I did. I wouldn’t trade the Herman part of my life for…anything short of $200,000! Ha.

NG: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned that you would pass on to people thinking about making games?

TS: Do it for yourself or for a loved one. The world is probably not going to care. If you are in it for the long haul, take it slow, playtest a lot and don’t get overly attached to what you are doing.

My official goodbye the gaming world:

}:^)

You can find Herman on the Xbox Live Marketplace.

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