Disregarded Demographics: Best of the Rest

There are too many jobs out there not represented properly in the world of video games.  Even if we were to continue at a pace of one a week, we’d probably still be able to carry on for a while longer.  Alas, all good things must come to an end and soon, Disregarded Demographics will disband.

Before the door closes on this column though, I’d like to take you on a whistle stop tour of a few of the subjects that weren’t chosen to be in the spotlight.  Some were deemed a little too uninteresting, others were usurped in favour of more topical ideas.  More still simply revolved on a single idea that could not be stretched comfortably.  I present to you: the best of the rest of those ignored groups.

Supermarket workers have it rough.  It’s low wage, boring work that not enough people appreciate.  In this game you would take on a number of roles throughout stores.  Developed for use with the PlayStation Eye and Natal, camera work is afoot.  The game would come with a comprehensive set of those toy food boxes designed for children to play with; comprehensive to the tune of 300 products, to be more precise.  These are all you need for hours of fun.  Stack them onto shelves or atop each other, sweep their contents off the floor when they ‘spill’ (the game will call out for clean ups should the products topple over) or best of all, assume the role of checkout assistant and scan their barcodes with the cameras.  There won’t be any downloadable content, but you will be able to use every real item of food occupying your cupboard if the included packs aren’t enough for you.  Certain products would unlock bonus features: Kellogg’s Frosties would definitely get you something if it was up to me.  Which it is.

A title about sex addicts could cure Nintendo’s maturity blues once and for all…or just get banned altogether.  It would be a third person adventure game where you have to attend meetings to deal with your problem and try to live out your life as normal.  It’d generally be a life simulator, only the remote would start rumbling like crazy and making sexual noises at random points as your ‘excitement’ meter rises.  When this happens, dash off as discretely as possible and find somewhere hidden to…waggle your worries away, let us say.  You’ll have to hope you’ve recovered from your addiction by the end of the game, but no guarantees.  There’s also potential for some kind of Touch Generations training game here, but I’ll leave the details of that to your filthy imaginations.

A slightly tamer idea for Wii would be a masseuse game.  It could be supplied with a back-shaped soft cover to slip over the Balance Board for a mildly more realistic experience.  The crux of the title would be that you give the pressure-sensing board a nice massage.  The board is surprisingly sensitive, so even the slightest press should get a response.  In a fashion similar to WiiWare vegetable haircut-fest Bonsai Barber, customers would make appointments with you and specify what sort of massage they’d like.  Light, fast, rough, slow – if they’re particularly masochistic/sore, they could even ask you to walk right over them.  Again, a training mode could be possible, though thankfully it’d be a bit more appropriate here than the previous idea.

Television advertising executives are our final port of call.  How great would it be to create your own commercial masterpieces, up there in the lofty heights of quality with the likes of the GoCompare, Moonpig and Cash4Gold adverts? DSi makes it all possible.  You have the cameras and microphone to film if you wish, or if you prefer a more animated feature, the touch screen is perfect for Flipnote Studio-style creations.  Once you’ve got your idea in place, think up the most irritating combination of voices, sound effects and music – might I suggest some bagpipes and air horns? – and record yourself a backing track and jingles.  All done.  The aim is to become the king of advertising, and creating intelligence-sapping infuriations that stick in peoples’ heads is the best way to achieve that goal.  Want to piss off a friend? WiFi over your hateful creations and watch them drop off your Facebook friends list.

Disregarded Demographics will be back for a final hurrah next week before burrowing itself into some kind of hibernation.  Until then, what underappreciated group of people do you think should be made into a game that this column has failed to mention? Don’t say writers – we’re not done quite yet…

Images: StartUpBlog, Soapbox 3.0, VideoArts