Disregarded Demographics: Runners

The wind through your hair, the mud sloshing at your feet.  There’s nothing quite like a run.  Yes, it’s a bit hateful when you’re doing it at first, but the feeling you get afterwards is nothing short of pure joy.  The action itself appears in so many games in so many guises that it’s not exactly recognised as a feature. Nintendo have capitalised on the topic of exercise with its Wii Fit titles, but there don’t seem to be any games based solely on running, which is why we’re going to have a shot at making one up in yet another Disregarded Demographics.

Since the audience is already there, it’s only fair that this should be a Wii game.  For simplicity, let’s call it Wii Run and just say that the entire reason for its inception is that Shigeru Miyamoto’s interest in exercise has narrowed to focus upon running, since many of the new ideas of Nintendo are coming from the great man’s list of hobbies these days.  Rather than being another attempt at a calorie-burner, though – wouldn’t want to impede on Wii Fit’s sales! – it can be more of an arcade-like game.  Don’t ever complain about a lack of games for the hardcore!

To fit in with the peripheral-friendly world of Wii, the game will come with running shoes that can adapt to any size through use of some kind of wonder material.  Within these shoes are slots to slide in Wii remotes that will monitor your movements.  All you’ve got to do is run! Slide the booties on and away you go, jogging around your living room (or on the spot, it makes no difference) to make your way around the virtual course on screen.  Yes, this is quite similar to what Wii Fit actually does, but you can do far more than merely run some preset routes.  Before everything begins you can map your run with the remote pointer, working out the best distances and the like.  Don’t forget to start out small and build up gradually, or you’ll prove to everybody what an unhealthy oaf you are by collapsing everywhere.

As you run you will soon discover that the same wonder material that allows stretchy shoes can also deliver a small level of tactile feedback.  Don’t ask me how, that’s for the scientists to work out.  If you’re running over mud, it’ll feel slightly squishy. Pavements will be harder and your feet will feel as if they’re being stabbed if you go over plain old rock.  The remotes in your shoes will aid the feedback by playing appropriate sounds from the ground.  Who needs to go outside again when you can get a realistic running experience right in your living room, away from all that nasty winter weather?

The actual gameplay, then? Well, you dash about.  The twist is that as you go you’ll have to avoid all sorts of obstacles that might get in a runner’s way.  Cars are your major threats, with cyclists posing an issue even within relatively safe places such as parks.  To get out of trouble you’ll have to jump away in the appropriate directions.  Also watch out for dogs yapping at your feet, enticed by your running antics – you’ll have to speed up to escape their gnashers.  If you don’t manage to miss the obstacles, don’t worry, you won’t be too negatively affected.  Well, except for the fact that the magic boots will constrict to painful levels to give you a nasty case of pins and needles.

As you go about your workouts you will spy other runners going about their business.  Naturally, these people can be challenged to races which force you to sprint as swiftly as possible to beat them and save your pride.  If you fail to beat them the Wii will send a message to everybody in your address book informing them of your lack of skill, though nobody will get the message for a few days afterwards due to the epic speed of Wii’s online service.  As you best more and more rivals, you may be forced to take part in proper athletics contests and be chastised when you don’t achieve new speed records on a regular basis.  Should you win proper races, you might get a few Nintendo Points as a reward, though.

Finally, you can turn your new found running prowess to good causes by being a participant in fun runs.  You have to get dressed up in whatever ridiculous clothes you have around your house. It’ll know if you don’t, because you have to weigh in on the Balance Board each day and before each charity run, so it can detect more weight on your person when you’re all fancy dressed.  Successful completion takes you to the new JustGiving Channel where you’re forced to input your credit card/PayPal details and send your money to charities of Nintendo’s choosing.  Switching off the system to avoid this bricks your Wii.

Hopefully you can see the benefits of such a game.  Wii Run removes all the spontaneity of a normal run, stops you going outside, takes away your money and causes you a sufficient amount of physical pain – pretty much like a real run, for the latter – what’s not to love? Coming next: FIFA 2011 Wii, using the same boots to channel all the pain of each tackle, with additional football attachment so that you can boot the ball at the screen to really feel the goals.

Images: Ann’s Running Commentary, Geekologie, Made-In-England