Man vs. Spider
‘Twas the night of Tuesday the 25th of August. I was enjoying a few rounds of the acclaimed Left 4 Dead with our esteemed editor-in-chief (Wardrox) when it happened. Through my headphones I heard a light scratching, then through the corner of my eye a dark shape suddenly dropped from a bench. I thought nothing of it at the time.
However, due to Wardrox’s recount of a terrifying experience earlier that day my mind began to be consumed with paranoia. It didn’t take long for my eyes to be darting back and forth between the shadows searching for the beast that I only assumed existed. It didn’t take long for me to cave.
“I’ll be right back, Wardrox” I said, voice racked with nerves. “I have to sort something out.”
No sooner had I lay my controller and headset to rest then the most terrifying creature ever to have spawned in the depths of hell came charging at me. The vast spider scurried with great speed, hissing, spitting potent venom, and brandishing its mandibles as it did so. As it lunged my fight-or-flight reactions kicked-in and snapped me out of my dazed stupor. I grabbed it’s cephalothorax on either side to prevent it from plunging its dripping fangs into me. It would have lead to certain death.
After what seemed like a lifetime of grappling with the accursed arachnid, just as I was about to be subdued, I got a second wind. I flung the creature into the wall, stunning it momentarily. I could hear Wardrox’s worried cries from the headset as I quickly searched for a vessel to contain the vile beast. My hand found its way to a glass that would serve as a crystal prison. Its transparent walls acting as a barrier between me and it.
I slammed it down over the spider as it was beginning to wake up. It was a long and arduous battle, but it was ultimately bested. Even now I still have it in captivity. I shall deal with it in the morning. Now I must rest as I am understandably rather shaken up.
That spider is bloody massive
I’ve seen bigger. Spiders are fucking everywhere this summer.
IT WILL DIE WITHOUT AIR. Keep it alive and train it as a minion to kill your enemies.
AAAAAAAAAAAAH
“Even now I still have it *in* captivity”
omg scary.
Hey, you should microwave it for a few seconds, not to kill it, and then try and get it to bite you.
You could totally be a grammar-nazi-spider-brit.
you’re such a fuckin pussy. ok, lies. if i was playing a game and saw something like that i would have my shoe in hand within 2 seconds and smacking it repeatedly.
Prison is too good for the bastard, kill it, KILL IT NOW!!!
I farted as i logged in :|
Poor little spider, all he wanted was some attention.
My story is much shorter;
“It ws the winter of ’07. A chilly wind blew through the window, but this was not the prime cause of my concern. From the corner of the room, where nether beasts dwell, a sinister creeping thing came towards me with gnashing despair ridden jaws. I threw a boxed george foreman grill at it.
The end.”