Disregarded Demographics: Traffic Wardens

[Ed - This is the first of guest writer Mike's new weekly columns bringing the plight of the often overlooked demographics into full view.]

By the day, it seems apparent that the games industry is capable of releasing games featuring pretty much anything.  Just look at Data Design Interactive’s London Taxi: Rushour [sic], a game based around ferrying people about England’s capital, for evidence of that.  Yet there are still some depths to which the industry has not sunk, a number of demographics that have not received any recognition and therefore have not been exploited for every penny they are worth.  Instead of releasing 82 first-person shooters a week, why doesn’t somebody in the industry stop, take a stand and dedicate a game to a crowd of people that haven’t been represented in the interactive media? This column will examine groups overlooked in gaming and attempt to prove that the little folk deserve recognition, too.

Take the humble traffic warden ‘“ do they not get enough stick in reality to warrant their own game? While developers have been happy to feature police in the past, nothing has been done for the champions of humanity that patrol our streets every day making sure that lines of yellow paint at the sides of roads remain visible at all times.  Rockstar need to get on this one, unless they already have realised this is the future and are deep into development on their next runaway success story; traffic wardens and the Grand Theft Auto 4 engine go hand-in-hand, surely.  Players start out in the gritty streets of North East England, in a perfectly realised Newcastle, as a fresh-faced recruit eager to do the only thing he has ever known ‘“ control traffic.

The expansive city is yours to wander aimlessly, ensuring deviant shoppers don’t leave their vehicles in improper areas.  While looking about as menacing as a jelly tot, you must keep a keen eye out for any parking-based misdeeds ‘“ but if you do notice anything suspicious, don’t get too excited.  As one of the most-maligned creatures stalking our streets, traffic wardens must take extra care when taking down their prey.  If you want to go ahead and slap a ticket on a windscreen in plain sight, feel free, but prepare to be confronted by an angry driver who will always, always, have just been popping into a shop for two minutes when you chose to strike.  In this situation you’re going to either have to waggle the analogue stick feverishly to keep your Smug Indignation Meter up until they furiously give in and leave you alone, or enter hand-to-hand combat.  Considering that you can’t hit back properly and must remain professional, the latter is not something you want to do.

No, the more sensible way to do things would be to go the stealth route.  Segue into crowds of people by maintaining a nonchalant air ‘“ as much as you can while uniformed – in a manner similar to Assassin’s Creed and edge over to offending vehicles.  As you pass by, sneakily activate a Quick Time Event to issue a brutal, but fair, parking ticket, then dart back into the crowds before you’re caught out.  Other duties test your strategy and planning skills as you organise traffic to bring down congestion.  Fans of GTA4′s mission structure will feel right at home, too, because if you get to the scene of a traffic violation too late you may find yourself embroiled in a checkpoint-less car chase sequence after escaping offenders ‘“ on foot, with button-tapping sprinting.

Though you start out up North, throughout the game you will be promoted to move to different cities if you perform well and affiliate yourself with the right factions.  New skills and equipment, such as wheel clamps, become available as you become more renowned, and if you should make it into London boroughs you will also gain additional powers as a Traffic Police Community Support Officer.  Under the command of the Metropolitan Police you’ll have to be extra vigilant, as not only do you have to observe traffic but also stand around monitoring crime scenes and calming down minor affrays in cafes and at bus stops.  Be careful to divide your time evenly between your roles or chaos will reign in the areas you abandon.  Occasionally you might get the chance to attempt an arrest, but the chances of success are so low that you’ll probably get some ridiculous achievement points if you manage it, given that TPCSOs aren’t allowed handcuffs.

Come on Rockstar.  Forget Agent, give us Warden.  If pre-order bonus potential is a concern, just chuck together a book of parking tickets and a hat and everybody’ll be happy anyway.  Wouldn’t it make a nice change to be a character afforded no respect and the bare minimum of actual authority rather than one of the usual hero sorts? The industry has become so obsessed with making the incredible the standard that a dose of mediocrity could be refreshing.  Actually, it’d probably be boring, but at least somebody would be able to say that they’d had a whack at it.

Pictures: Monkchester, s2999, HeatonPaper, VideoArts