What Your XBL Avatar Says About You

When the NXE hit our off-white gaming blocks, along with it came Avatars and a chance to truly represent ourselves in digital polygonal form. Or something.

I thought that I might take a few moments and have a look at some of the avatars I have come across in my gaming experience and truly think about the thought processes that went into them. To try and see how an avatar represents its maker.

The results were varied and interesting to say the least. These are real Avatars taken from my own friends and recent players lists and in the interests of preserving the privacy of gamers I have not listed the gamertags behind them.

Avatar Number One: The Twat

It doesn’t take long to see the white shutter aviator glasses and know that this person had decided to portray themselves as some kind of beach-going hipster turd.

Look at that tank-top and those shorts. They compliment the super-metero facial hair perfectly. Which of course annoys me. Look at the skin tone too. That’s not natural. Not human even.

It’s safe to say that the person behind the avatar in this instance is an individual who puts a lot of pride in their fashion sense and how trendy they are. Perhaps they watch Hollyoaks for style tips. Because they’re a slave to the media and the cover of OK magazine dictates their lives. How very sad (and that’s coming from ME!)

It’s also a certainty that I hate them, what a twat.

Avatar Number Two: The Weird Kid

The first thing that strikes me about this Avatar isn’t the horrendous purple pants and the skull-adorned black tee (although they are visually offensive) but instead the girth.

Having an Avatar gives the user an opportunity to portray themselves as they would like to be seen rather than how they actually look. This user has seemingly forgone the change to rid himself of such socially stigmatized trains and instead make the Avatar in his likeness. Probably.

This suggests a lack of social sensibilities. Look at the shirt with skulls on it and the white hair. That’s the kind of person who people say things about behind his back. With good reason too. Look at him. What a loser.

Avatar Number Three: The God Among Men

Now this is just stunning. The sharp-as-a-tac dress sense. The perfectly executed blend of stunning white and bright red. These things show that the user behind this Avatar clearly is as near as you can get to a perfect human being.

The pink hair indicates a firm grasp of sexuality and likely a large amount of sexual prowess, intellect, and stamina. Look at that fucking trilby. Just look at it. It’s like a crown of magnificence.

The previous two examples have gormless grins painted on their clueless faces. Not here. This user is above such niceties like smiling. He probably says, not asks.

This avatar is almost porn. I shall finish the rest of the article later. I’m going to the bathroom.

All right let us move on.

Avatar Number Four: The Original Idea

You see what this guy has done? No you don’t. You see him recreating something someone else has done. Clearly this gamer has no personality or originality.

Not only has he tried to recreate something. But he’s done it badly. It’s clear enough that it’s a mimicry of Mario.  Unfortunately for him it’s terrible enough for me to mock it.

This person is probably the type who leaves a movie theatre and then quotes a line from the film straight away. I mean literally as they step out. I experienced this once and it’s the closest I have ever come to punching a friend right in his face. It was also the first and only time I got banned from an ODEON for doing just that.

This person is utterly forgettable. Perhaps he works in a cubicle. He probably watches reality TV without a hint of irony but still doesn’t vote for his favourite.

Avatar Number Five: The Eccentric

This type of Avatar is usually over-the-top crazy. The user has chosen the most eye-catching features and clothing for his or her (but mostly his) Avatar just for the sake of making it stand out amongst others. It’s the kind of Avatar you have a good chuckle with if it becomes The One whilst playing 1vs100.

It’s hard to judge the kind of person who would make an avatar like this. Clearly it is done for comedic purposes and not to represent the user (one sincerely hopes).

Though the red, black, and white colour scheme is good.

What have we learned? Nothing, as per usual. I just enjoy looking at the things that the minds of gamers can produce. Things such as a punk bald vampire woman with heart-shaped glasses. Oh, and one point if anyone sees what I did.