Negative Gamer Review: Transform-A-Snack (Spicy)

There comes a time in every gamer’s life when you just need to eat a flavoured maize snack. Be it to supplement a World of Warcraft marathon (or ‘evening’ as some call it), an active disregard for your own health or even the need to be crunching on something loud whilst using any form of in-game team speak. On last week’s NGCast, our very own Gandysampras highlighted the joys of the Tranform-A-Snack, so I thought it only fair to bring you, dear readers, the official Negative Gamer review of this Golden Wonder branded food substitute. No artificial colours.

The idea behind the product is that in each packet, there are two different shapes. One shape is that of a man, Captain Crunch, the other shape is that of a wheel. Attaching the wheels to the arms and legs of Captain Crunch miraculously transforms him into the speedy Crunch Car. Contains milk. Suitable for Vegetarians.

So, about that transforming thing

The main draw of these crisps in particular is, as the title suggests, their ability to transform. Using just one Captain Crunch shape and four wheels, you can watch your snack change form in a way unseen in other snacks. This ratio of one to four however is the first falling point of the crisps. In the interest of fairness I bought a multi-pack, so six packets in total. One of the packets only had three wheels in total in it. This left me with a Crunch Tricycle and several, redundant, Captain Crunches. Hardly what you want when battling his arch nemesis Baron Von Scoffalot (no, seriously, read the comic … the comic that is on the website for the snack food … actually).

Even with the right ratio, the problems seldom go away. As these are fairly week, corn based shapes, most of the ones I found within my packets were broken well in advance of my playing. This means even if there is the right ratio, chances are you will have spare torsos or parts of wheel. And what’s the point in them? If I can’t transform anything, they may as well be Space Raiders.

Needs more guns

Still, when the stars align and you are able to get the right number of both Captain Crunchs and wheels, you can start the transformation. A transformation into disappointment. Even before attaching the back wheels it becomes very clear there isn’t enough room for them to fit one behind the other. The axles are far to close together to even attempt to get the wheels lined up, as you can see in the picture.

When I think of transformers, one thing that comes to mind is either giant guns, giant swords, or Michael Bay style giant explosions, none of those can be found within the Transform-A-Snack. Admittedly the guns, swords and explosions have been replaced with a crunchy maize texture and sharp flavour, but it still comes across as a bit of a disappointment.

With regard to the flavour; the packets I tried were all Spicy, and to me they tasted more like Pickled Onion (an alternative flavour). The Spicy flavour did live up to its name in the literal sense, however, I don’t feel it differentiated itself enough from other, spicy or pickle flavoured maize snacks to really be remarkable.

A few other points worth mentioning:

• There are several available flavours, but Asda (where I bought mine) only stocked the Spicy flavour.
• I tried shaping the wheels and bodies with a knife to see if I could get a properly formed Crunch Car, however it predictably resulted in the individual shapes just breaking and falling apart.
• As best I can find, Captain Crunch has no theme tune.

All things considered, the expected novelty of the product is out-weighed by the many failings it has. The expectations the Transform-A-Snack brand give you are seldom met and I inevitably ended up just eating the snacks normally. The draw of the transforming ability will likely pull you in to a purchase, but the un-inspiring results will disappoint.

You should eat this snack if’¦

‘¦ you enjoy going on imaginary adventures with your food.

Final Score

A well rounded snack with an under performing transformation ability.

(What does this score mean?)