Asteroids: The Movie
You know the classic 70s shoot-rocks-and-occasionally-an-alien game? Well some bright spark has thought that it would be a good idea to make a movie out if it. A lesser writer would have just shot himself, blood and brains all over the monitor, but just for you I’ll continue. For those of you who haven’t played the game, it’s essentially a black screen and some white asteroids. And that’s it.
There’s no plot, story arc, protagonist, antagonist, hero, heroine, or badguy. Yet it is being made into a film. Mathew Lopez is set to write the story (!?!?!?!?) and Lorenzo di Bonaventura is set to produce. What make this even more funny is that 4, count ‘em, 4 studios were bidding to grab the licence, with Universal Pictures finally clinching it.
As I’ve pointed out, there’s no story, so Universal has essentially bought the word ‘Asteroids’. I can only assume that they are simply going to just make up a plot about A MAN BLOWING UP ROCKS FOR A BIT. If Universal try to sell this as “the motion picture based on the hit game” I will lose my mind, followed by a bloody rampage at a random American city.
But hey, you can’t blame Universal for trying right? I mean it might be really cool, not just latching onto any old franchise for a short term financial gain. But wait. Hollywood Reporter states that; “[Universal is] in the middle of… translating [Hasbro board game titles] to the big screen, such as “Battleship” and “Candyland.”
Watch out East St. Louis, I’m coming.
Via: Ars Technica
News Tags: asteroids, corporate bullshit, idiocy, movie, retro, universal
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To be fair, Clue is an awesome film.
This will be terrible. Some joke will be made that will be meant to seem tongue-in-cheek about the arcade game, and it will come off as smug and lame.
Clue was a very good film indeed.
Will not watch.
Dude, who here has seen the College Humor fake movie trailers for Minesweeper and Tetris? It’s basically the same thing, and they managed to do it.
To be fair, the Tetris one had nothing to do with tetris, but the one about Minesweeper did. I think there would actually be a plot to this movie… I can see it now…
A giant field of asteriods has been somehow (fuck you I know nothing about astronomy) slung towards earth. A team of astronauts has been sent out to clear the skies of potentially deadly asteriods! along the way there is love, drama, comedy, and treason! yada yada yada its somewhat of a plot.
@Hawkeyed One
Sounds like the plot for Armageddon. Just with less Bruce Willis.