Dealing With Opinionated Pricks, aka GameStop Employees and Friends: A Guide

Unfortunately, I must rely on GameStop for a good portion of my game purchases. I do not fancy paying ridiculous shipping, nor bidding on too-good-to-be-true offers on eBay, though on occasion I cave. It goes without saying that I must fall victim to the occasional chat with said GameStop employees and inevitable huddles of friends of said employees. I’ll take my selection to the counter, whip out my wallet, and no sooner than I have flashed plastic, I am met with a Look.

You know, the Look. As in, “Seriously? This game is dumb. Why would you want to play that?”. If it is a particularly bad day, I will be subjected to a long and drawn-out sermon on why game X is bad and why I should try game Y instead.  If God wants steaming piles to rain down onto my head that day, they will make a comment about my gender that I will ignore and silently curse the girls who exist that make it any kind of issue.  Personally, I do not think it is any of their business, nor anyone else’s, why I make the purchasing decisions that I do.  

But what do you say to these comments? In such situations, a quickfire response is warranted, but due to time and tiredness as well as other factors, snappy comebacks are hard to make up on the spot.

For any of you who have been faced with situations like these, I give you a list of stupid comments and questions you may face while shopping for a game at GameStop, or in any situation where others enjoy forcing their opinions on a certain game on you! Enjoy.

• That game is stupid. [IRL version of :( or other variation] You’re stupid for playing it.

Really? Have you played it? Or are you simply insisting that it’s stupid because your mind is too feeble to grasp any other concept save for parroting others?

• The story in that game sucks balls.

It’s Burnout Paradise [Substitute with other games, as necessary]. Why would you expect it to contain a good story, let alone a storyline at all?

• The story is so DRAMATIC and UNNECESSARY.

Is that because you just didn’t understand it? Or maybe it’s because you can’t read.

• Why don’t you play [insert game here] instead?

Probably because my name is on the credit card I have here, and not yours.

• All that game has is basically boring hack and slash over and over and over.

It must be as repetitive as you, then.

• THAT GAME IS SO OLD! Seriously, no one wants it.

Great, all the more copies for me. I’ll take every single one in the store at 70% off.

• Oh, you wouldn’t like this. You’re [insert obvious descriptor about the purchaser or object of conversation such as "girl," "boy," or something similar].

You obviously know more about me that I do. Why don’t you swap places with me for a while and see what it’s like to work a job that doesn’t dead-end? (Low blow! Use only when particularly annoyed.)

• It was way too easy.

Forgive me my trespasses; simple things are NEVER fun. I feel ashamed for even picking it up.

• LOL REALLY? IT ONLY GOT LIKE, A 2 IN [insert magazine or publication here]!

Whoops. Forgot they were the be all and end all of gaming. I will now begin looking to magazines and the written word when making crucial life decisions.

• There’s too much sex in that game. You won’t like it.

Excuse me while I go mutilate my genitals.

Well, it looks like that about sums up a multitude of the imminent harrassing statements! Feel free to use these at your leisure the next time you’re faced with such situations – you never know when it might happen!