Mutual “Massage” via Xbox Live

Do you have a lover? Do you have an Xbox 360 and a clean controller? Do you want to get off, er, give a massage even if your boo thang is 10,000 miles away? Xbox Live has an answer! With Remote Masseuse, you can finally give the massage of yours and your partner’s lives! For only a meager 200 Microsoft points, you can transform your mere Xbox 360 controller into the perfect “massage” aid! Simply have both partners purchase this community title, sign into Live, and let the remote massage begin!

Or, as the Xbox description so elegantly puts it:

Take control of someone else’s controller to give them a soothing massage, either locally or over XBox Live. Solo mode lets you use your own controller to relax. Different vibration settings allow you to give the massage you want to give or receive. Supports voice chat so you can request the perfect massage. Great for long distance relationships.

You can imagine my surprise when I stumbled onto this gem of a title last night on Xbox Live. Let’s not shit ourselves. This game is essentially a remote masturbatory aid – obviously. Perhaps the very best part of this entire game is the fact that its description lists at the bottom, “great for long-distance relationships.” Now, I don’t question the reason this was created, but I do have to wonder why anyone would actually pay the 200 MS points in order to have what is essentially a controller-vibrator. That’s just going to make your controller all funky. And let’s be honest, who is actually going to use it for a “massage”?

However, if you’re interested, you can download the demo and get a full minute of VIBRATORY PLEASURE. Only a minute though. Unless you just keep restarting the demo, which I wouldn’t know anything about.