Why Do You Want to Be A Famous Gamer?

With news of the recent WCG Ultimate Gamer farce, the cogs in my mind got to turning ferociously. The gaming industry is riddled with nobodies who are striving to become somebodies in the eyes of prominent companies. Perhaps they just want to break into the industry so that they can become part of the process to create the games they enjoy playing. Or maybe they just want their fifteen minutes of fame, since sometimes that short amount of time can lead to lifelong opportunities. These people often want to become famous for, well, nothing. Even I am included in the group of people who want to “make it.” After all, I enjoy writing about games, plain and simple. I game, I laud the games I love, I bitch about gaming, and have the best time doing it. Would I love to make gaming journalism more than just a hobby? Most definitely.

Do I want to become a popular and well-known face in the industry? Certainly not. I’m not seeking fame or fortune, just a career doing what I love. I find that’s a valid reason to keep writing and to keep trying, no matter the odds. If I never get paid to write on a regular basis, then that’s fine, because at least I am bringing real and honest entertainment to a loyal reader base. However, there are many individuals out there who are simply milking the rapidly-expanding industry for any small iota of fame they can get. Frankly, that irritates me like nothing else. With that said, I’ve made a list of the “types” of fame-seekers who just want to be known. These people are, in my eyes, what makes us as a collective society of gamers begin to look ridiculous to the masses. Some of the reasons we are looked down upon as childish and inane, and riddled with drama.

Soon as we’ve identified these types of people, I say we should begin phasing them out. Or at the very least, ignoring. On with the show.

1. Best Gamer EVAR!!

These types are never usually the “best” at any given title, seeing as you can not even measure who is the “best.” There will always be someone better, somewhere else, who may not have an Internet connection, or who may be too shy to compete against others who consider themselves the best. Often, you’ll see them given sponsorships to game 12 hours a day, or to film themselves doing so. While there are plenty of valid, extremely skilled professional gamers, the types that laud themselves as TEH BEST TEH PWNZ0RZ!!11ONE! are never usually what they say they are. They’re simply looking to latch onto whatever small bit of fame they can get for pwning in Guitar Hero, or Halo 3. What are they doing that they should be remembered for? They beat out a certain controlled group of other gamers to win a temporary “best of” prize! Fantastic! In the meantime they’re so busy playing one game for the rest of their lives that nothing else even matters. How sad. It’s all a vicious circle that invites only the rich and privileged (those who can market themselves and visit various tournaments) to become “known.” That, to me, is a joke. Besides, like I said, someone is ALWAYS better than you.

2. I’m A GIRL!!!

Yes, there are girls who market themselves simply because they enjoy games, and they’re girls. Holy shit, that’s amazing. I bet it must have taken hours of dedicated practice every fucking day. What? They model, too? Even better. Let’s pay them to attend conventions and tournaments to grace us with their presence. Are you kidding me? What have these cunts ever done to be considered famous? That’s right. Nothing.  But they at least know what the games are! Big fucking deal. Do you want to hand out awards to sports fanatics then, and present them with Playboy spreads? In the meantime you have skilled female writers and gamers who receive marginal publicity, though they DESERVE much more, because the two-bit whores are selling their bodies and perpetuating the stereotype that females who game are rare. But you know what? The truly skilled and respected girls don’t need to flaunt themselves on every goddamned forum, website, and community on the internet. We just let our personalities do the work. And if they don’t? Fuck it, we’ll do it live because who honestly cares? I am truly embarrassed to be a female some days.

3. I Have A Huge Gamerscore

Congratulations! You’ve completed a ton of games, and are filthy rich. Would you like a cookie? Or maybe you just stock up on every single gimme-achievement game that there is. Do you honestly believe statues should be erected in your honor?

4. I Can Glitch in teh Vidya Gaemz!

These people usually receive massive recognition because they’ve figured out the ghost turret trick on Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, or they found out how to lurk  under every map in every online FPS ever. Lauded as TEH PWNZ0RZ by many a competitive gamer, these people are true greats. They should, honestly go down in history because they discovered a way to cheat. Are you fucking kidding me?

5. My Game Site Gets Tons of Hits

Congratulations. You:

• Post porn.
• Suck a lot of PR cock.

On the off chance that you actually present good content, we salute you! And if your site’s a piece of shit, then please, drop off the radar.